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Topics: [crypto][fun]

Факты о Брюсе Шнайере

Уже не помню откуда эти забавные факты, но целый сборник у меня их.

* When Bruce Schneier observes a quantum particle, it remains in the
  same state until he has finished observing it
* Bruce Schneier knows Alice and Bob's shared secret
* Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier
  uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical
  Norse heroes
* Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to
  exchange keys with anyone else for days
* Bruce Schneier knows the state of schrödinger's cat
* If we built a Dyson sphere around Bruce Schneier and captured all of
  his energy for 2 months, without any loss, we could power an ideal
  computer running at 3.2 Kelvin to count up to 2^256. This strongly
  implies that not only can Bruce Schneier brute-force attack 256-bit
  keys, but that he is built of something other than matter and occupies
  something other than space
* Bruce Schneier writes his books and essays by generating random
  alphanumeric text of an appropriate length and then decrypting it

* Schneier knows if Reiser did it
* Bruce Schneier doesn't need backups because his hard drive knows that
  failure is not an option
* Bruce Schneier uses a variation of the sha1 algorithm to drive his
  car, which is why he never has collisions
* Bruce Schneier does not share forks when eating with dining
  philosophers
* SHA = "Schneier has access" SHA2 = "Schneier has access - and a spare
  too"
* There are no composite numbers. Only prime numbers Bruce has broken
  into smaller pieces
* Erwin Schrödinger had a mere cat; Bruce Schneier has a Bengal tiger
* Bruce Schneier wrote the random number generator used to generate
  thermal noise
* Bruce Schneier distrusts atomic clocks because the timing attacks are
  too obvious
* Remember - if you ever lose your password, you can still ask Bruce
  Schneier
* When Bruce Schneier plays lotto, he doesn't guess. He determines
* Bruce Schneier uses a different salt for his soup everyday
* Bruce Schneier can hear sounds through vacuum
* Bruce Schneier knows J. Random, and where he lives
* Most people salt their hash. Bruce salt and peppers his
* Bruce Schneier feeds Schrödinger's cat on his back porch. Without
  opening the box
* AES stands for "Ain't Encryption to Schneier."
* Bruce Schneier loves women with extra padding
* Bruce Schneier is a proof that one way functions do not exist
* ITAR prevents Bruce Schneier from travelling abroad, even though the
  restrictions on the export of strong crypto have been lifted
* cryptographically secure (adj): 1. uninteresting to Bruce Schneier
* Stephen Hawking changed his opinion on the information paradox when he
  realized that not even black holes can hide information from Bruce
  Schneier
* Bruce Schneier once could not decrypt something. Then he woke up
* God does not play dice with the universe. That's Bruce Schneier's job
* There are no prime numbers, just numbers Bruce Schneier hasn't
  bothered to factor yet
* Bruce Schneier can distinguish non-orthogonal quantum states
* Every time Bruce Schneier speaks, a cryptographer dies
* Bruce Schneier doesn't encrypt, he Bruce Schneiers
* Only Bruce Schneier is allowed to wear the "I read the NSA's e-mail"
  t-shirt
* When transmitted over any socket, Bruce Schneier's public key causes
  libpcap to enter an infinite malloc loop
* Bruce Schneier is always the man in the middle
* When Bruce Schneier observes a quantum particle, it remains in the
  same state until he has finished observing it
* Bruce Schneier can smell weak keys
* Bruce Schneier doesn't need to hide data with steganography - data
  hides from Bruce Schneier
* Bruce Schneier knows the state of schrödinger's cat
* The Dining Cryptographers always wait until Bruce Schneier has been
  served
* Bruce found a secure way to reuse a one-time pad
* Bruce Schneier knows you are reading this
* Bruce Schneier doesn't even know the meaning of the word ciphertext,
  because to him, everything is plaintext
* Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to
  exchange keys with anyone else for days
* Bruce Schneier does not share forks when eating with dining philosophers
* Bruce Schneier can force Brownian motion to go in one direction only
* Bruce Schneier can tie cherry stems into Feistel nets with his tongue
* The reason why BSDs are now the most secure OSes is that BSD stands for
  "Bruce Schneier Debugged it"
* Bruce Schneier can calculate MD5 hashes in his head. For any length of
  data. In constant time. Drunk
* Bruce uses Turing tape as toilet paper
* Bruce Schneier can read and understand Perl programs
* Bruce Schneier's two-factor authentication consists of his left and
  right fists
* Bruce Schneier is immune to birthday attacks - no children are born on
  his birthday to avoid collisions
* If Bruce Schneier multiplies two primes, the product is prime
* Bruce Schneier takes no prisoners, so there never is a dilemma
* Bruce Schneier is the root of all certificates
* Bruce Schneier knows Chuck Norris' private key
* Regardless of their length, all passwords are vulnerable to a
  Bruce-force attack
* At college, Bruce Schneier had his way with so many women that his dorm
  room was called "The One-Time Pad."
* Parallel lines meet at Bruce Schneier
* Bruce Schneier has solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time,
  but hasn't published it because he doesn't like salesmen
* Bruce is so influential that a blog link is indistinguishable from a
  DDoS attack
* Bruce Schneier puts his pants on in constant time... no matter how many
  legs he has
* Bruce Schneier is also an accomplished children's author. He wrote the
  famous childhood crypto book, "One Fish, Twofish, Red Fish, Blowfish"
* If Bruce Schneier multiplies two primes, the product is prime
* Bruce Schneier can find Waldo in one chronon
* Bruce Schneier does not bother with challenge-response mechanisms. No such
  system dares to challenge him
* Bruce Schneier takes no prisoners, so there never is a dilemma
* Bruce Schneier can make onion routers cry
* When you email Bruce Schneier, you don't need to press "send"

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