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Уже не помню откуда эти забавные факты, но целый сборник у меня их. * When Bruce Schneier observes a quantum particle, it remains in the same state until he has finished observing it * Bruce Schneier knows Alice and Bob's shared secret * Most people use passwords. Some people use passphrases. Bruce Schneier uses an epic passpoem, detailing the life and works of seven mythical Norse heroes * Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to exchange keys with anyone else for days * Bruce Schneier knows the state of schrödinger's cat * If we built a Dyson sphere around Bruce Schneier and captured all of his energy for 2 months, without any loss, we could power an ideal computer running at 3.2 Kelvin to count up to 2^256. This strongly implies that not only can Bruce Schneier brute-force attack 256-bit keys, but that he is built of something other than matter and occupies something other than space * Bruce Schneier writes his books and essays by generating random alphanumeric text of an appropriate length and then decrypting it * Schneier knows if Reiser did it * Bruce Schneier doesn't need backups because his hard drive knows that failure is not an option * Bruce Schneier uses a variation of the sha1 algorithm to drive his car, which is why he never has collisions * Bruce Schneier does not share forks when eating with dining philosophers * SHA = "Schneier has access" SHA2 = "Schneier has access - and a spare too" * There are no composite numbers. Only prime numbers Bruce has broken into smaller pieces * Erwin Schrödinger had a mere cat; Bruce Schneier has a Bengal tiger * Bruce Schneier wrote the random number generator used to generate thermal noise * Bruce Schneier distrusts atomic clocks because the timing attacks are too obvious * Remember - if you ever lose your password, you can still ask Bruce Schneier * When Bruce Schneier plays lotto, he doesn't guess. He determines * Bruce Schneier uses a different salt for his soup everyday * Bruce Schneier can hear sounds through vacuum * Bruce Schneier knows J. Random, and where he lives * Most people salt their hash. Bruce salt and peppers his * Bruce Schneier feeds Schrödinger's cat on his back porch. Without opening the box * AES stands for "Ain't Encryption to Schneier." * Bruce Schneier loves women with extra padding * Bruce Schneier is a proof that one way functions do not exist * ITAR prevents Bruce Schneier from travelling abroad, even though the restrictions on the export of strong crypto have been lifted * cryptographically secure (adj): 1. uninteresting to Bruce Schneier * Stephen Hawking changed his opinion on the information paradox when he realized that not even black holes can hide information from Bruce Schneier * Bruce Schneier once could not decrypt something. Then he woke up * God does not play dice with the universe. That's Bruce Schneier's job * There are no prime numbers, just numbers Bruce Schneier hasn't bothered to factor yet * Bruce Schneier can distinguish non-orthogonal quantum states * Every time Bruce Schneier speaks, a cryptographer dies * Bruce Schneier doesn't encrypt, he Bruce Schneiers * Only Bruce Schneier is allowed to wear the "I read the NSA's e-mail" t-shirt * When transmitted over any socket, Bruce Schneier's public key causes libpcap to enter an infinite malloc loop * Bruce Schneier is always the man in the middle * When Bruce Schneier observes a quantum particle, it remains in the same state until he has finished observing it * Bruce Schneier can smell weak keys * Bruce Schneier doesn't need to hide data with steganography - data hides from Bruce Schneier * Bruce Schneier knows the state of schrödinger's cat * The Dining Cryptographers always wait until Bruce Schneier has been served * Bruce found a secure way to reuse a one-time pad * Bruce Schneier knows you are reading this * Bruce Schneier doesn't even know the meaning of the word ciphertext, because to him, everything is plaintext * Bruce Schneier's secure handshake is so strong, you won't be able to exchange keys with anyone else for days * Bruce Schneier does not share forks when eating with dining philosophers * Bruce Schneier can force Brownian motion to go in one direction only * Bruce Schneier can tie cherry stems into Feistel nets with his tongue * The reason why BSDs are now the most secure OSes is that BSD stands for "Bruce Schneier Debugged it" * Bruce Schneier can calculate MD5 hashes in his head. For any length of data. In constant time. Drunk * Bruce uses Turing tape as toilet paper * Bruce Schneier can read and understand Perl programs * Bruce Schneier's two-factor authentication consists of his left and right fists * Bruce Schneier is immune to birthday attacks - no children are born on his birthday to avoid collisions * If Bruce Schneier multiplies two primes, the product is prime * Bruce Schneier takes no prisoners, so there never is a dilemma * Bruce Schneier is the root of all certificates * Bruce Schneier knows Chuck Norris' private key * Regardless of their length, all passwords are vulnerable to a Bruce-force attack * At college, Bruce Schneier had his way with so many women that his dorm room was called "The One-Time Pad." * Parallel lines meet at Bruce Schneier * Bruce Schneier has solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time, but hasn't published it because he doesn't like salesmen * Bruce is so influential that a blog link is indistinguishable from a DDoS attack * Bruce Schneier puts his pants on in constant time... no matter how many legs he has * Bruce Schneier is also an accomplished children's author. He wrote the famous childhood crypto book, "One Fish, Twofish, Red Fish, Blowfish" * If Bruce Schneier multiplies two primes, the product is prime * Bruce Schneier can find Waldo in one chronon * Bruce Schneier does not bother with challenge-response mechanisms. No such system dares to challenge him * Bruce Schneier takes no prisoners, so there never is a dilemma * Bruce Schneier can make onion routers cry * When you email Bruce Schneier, you don't need to press "send"

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